The Back Pack: Subject to Change
Glen Canyon National Recreation Area on the shore of Lake Powell, Utah
Current location: Beaver, Utah
In the old days when they announced detailed lineups for upcoming wrestling shows, they would always include the disclaimer "card subject to change." In the event that a freak snowstorm delayed the arrival of a key performer or another wrestler got so drunk the night before he missed his flight (a not uncommon occurrence in the 1980s), the company had to have a built-in excuse for the audience.
If I had to sub-title my life, "subject to change" would be a good option. It conveys focus while allowing for improvisation. But I didn't always operate this way. For the first third of my life, I'd describe my perspective as conservative (not politically, but regarding my aversion to change). I craved certainty and saw my life as a linear path in which certain milestones provided fulfillment and security. Relationship x brings happiness and reassurance; career accomplishment y gives me a sense of self-respect. And while these things are still true in my life (relationships do give me happiness and work successes provide confidence), the part that has changed is my effort to not cling to those good feelings, to not get too comfortable with, well, comfort. When we cling to a set of feelings, good or bad, we enter a state of delusion, because those feelings are ephemeral--what goes up will come down, and what goes down will come up. Life is not about seeking stability or security, it's about being honest with whatever is right in front of you. Sometimes that will bring security and sometimes it won't--enjoy the former while it lasts and endure the latter knowing it won't last.
On this road trip, I have a game plan. I always recommend people have a game plan, whether it's for your dinner party on Thursday or for a road trip or for the next 40 years of your life. I know that I'm going to my college buddy Luke's wedding on Monday and that I'll get to Rhode Island sometime around March 20. I have an idea of where I want to stop in between, but it's all subject to change, be it for weather or a whim or anything in between. Stay pliable, loose, open, and you remain poised for rolling with the things that aren't in your control, which is a lot. Write in pencil, not pen. Be an ellipsis, semi-colon, or Em dash--not a period.
